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The Cosmic People of Light Powers is a Czech cult that's more intense and has a better back story than the whole Matrix trilogy combined. The Cosmic People aren't your typical downer cult. You'll find no leaders with 100 wives who tell followers he must baptize them all. But the Cosmic People do believe in an alien named Ashtar Sheran.

Ashtar has a fleet of 10 million spaceships that orbit the Earth. With that many spaceships, the odds of getting a primo suite when the time comes to leave Earth and head off for a picnic on Venus seem almost guaranteed. Score one for the true believers.

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Membership numbers are a bit sketchy with the leader of the group claiming thousands to hundreds of thousands of sympathizers, while "government" sources say a couple hundred people, and hint that all of them may be mentally ill. Nonsense, we say! The Cosmos, as we like to imagine them calling themselves, are just more open to the task of understanding the truth about the infernal saurians chipping our hearts and how, as their website says, "95 percent of our physical bodies are controlled by forces of darkness." We are controled by evil lizard men. Hey, don't act like you didn't suspect this all along.

It was their frequent images of flaming hearts and the terrifyingly awesome pictures of Nordic aliens which made our research team confident that space is populated by Swedish models who want nothing more than to help us destroy the lizard men, and then make sweet space love.